Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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