you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
