I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
