are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
