That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
