He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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