And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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