My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
