some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
