Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
