you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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