i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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