I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
