Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
