It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
