It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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