u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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