I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
