HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
