How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
