i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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