Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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