I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
