I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
