god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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