fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
