I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dicks are not precious.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
