we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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