I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
