I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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