ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
