wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
