first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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