No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
