Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come see our sink grown plant.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
