i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sobbing to NWA
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
