I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
