Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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