I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
