I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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