My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
