Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
