my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
