I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He? As in you personified your dick?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
