Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
