Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
