Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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