So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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