i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
