So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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