just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
